C.R.I.M.S.O.N

Short update

2009-06-22T08:11:00.002+02:00

Hi all,

Long time no chat, no internet connection really, serious withdraw!!!

I just wanted to share that I am really excited for my studies in September, that is basically the light at the end of my tunnel, I think, I hope! The past couple of months have been hard, but God as not for one chance allowed me to dwindle, I am grateful for that, very much!

Anyways please pray with me for finances, work and a peaceful heart.

Thanks and God bless,

C

Til later

2009-04-01T11:05:00.002+02:00

Hey :)

This is gonna be my last post for a while, as I am not gonna have internet access for about roughly a month, as I am in the process of relocating, incase you haven't read my recent posts.

So guys, have a blast, look after yourselves. Have a blessed easter, may you experience the true meaning of this part in our spiritual calender.

Be blessed always,

Crimson

Goodbye

2009-03-31T17:59:00.002+02:00

... and so I say goodbye to Herolds Bay and hello to Cape Town. The move for me is just around the corner. My bags are packed, furnature's almost there. Now its just me.

Trying !!!

2009-03-30T22:08:00.002+02:00

I am trying to be positive, I need to for my own sanity!

I am still packing, it takes me a while, a l o n g while, I am just too emotional when it comes to saying goodbye to the known and hello to the unknown (which kinda actually is the reason for moving in the first place) doesn't always make sense, but I have a goal, I just mustn't loose sight.

Please pray that I do what I have to to make it till the end.

Love you all,

Crimson

Lack Of Money

2009-03-30T11:09:00.002+02:00

Hello all,

I am really in need of money!!! I need to get money for my studies, I want to be a paramedic, I was supposed to start my studies on the 20th of April, but I didn't have the money to secure my place. The next coarse is on the 25th of May, so my crisis is what am I going to do till then, how will I generate money to survive and pay all my bills, I am really disappointed, I was really excited to start on the 20th, I was emotionally ready for it, I am at the moment panicking very quietly, my body is shaking from the inside, and well as the day is growing, my hands and body is starting to shake, which is not good at all, as my epilepsy surfaces really quickly when I am stressed. I am scared of having a fit, I am scared that I wont have the money to secure a spot for the 25th. In general I am a worry ball at the moment!! I wish that the world didn't revolve around money, but, it does! I cant ask my folks to borrow me the money as due to my lifestyle of being a lesbian and being in love with a beautiful and amazing women, they said that they will never borrow or give me money again, infact I am out of their will as well. At the moment I am feeling so alone, lost, and desperate, but I guess that, that is the life I have chosen and I need to make the best of it. Don't get me wrong, I will never give up my life as a lesbian, and I will never give up on the future that I have dreampt of having with the women I love.

Life is tough at the moment, but I need to stay strong and keep my faith, but I ask, please pray for me, please pray that there will be a way that I can get the money to study and get money to support myself during the time whilst I study.

Anyways, may you all have a great day, feel Gods love for you.

Sunday Eve - Mixed Emotions

2009-03-29T22:10:00.003+02:00

Its late, I am tired, been working from 12 till bout 20min ago. I still have so much to pack, and my nerves are getting the better of me. I am getting so tired of people twisting a story to make you look bad or not taking responsibility for their actions. Work, was just kinda confrontational, but we sorted out things luckily. But I can see that it is time for me to leave, it has been fun, but the shows almost over.

On Tuesday the furniture removal company will be here to collect my goodies to take it to Cape Town, I do not cope well at all, when it comes to packing, moving and well general "big" changes. But I am very excited for the new life that awaits me, I am excited for the fact that I am taking my life into my own hands, yes scary, well very scary, but it is time, and I think I am at a good place to take that responsibility. I have really good friends whom support me and understand me. THANK YOU!!!

So tomorrow and Tuesday I have off from work, so I should be fine and have my things done on time, I just need to keep focused and stay level headed.

Anyways just thought I would give a bit of an update, and well, I just had to let out a bit of my stress, I once had a shrink that said writing your feelings help, I guess she was right :-) lv ya Z.

I hope you are all gonna have a great week and be very blessed,

Lv,

2009-03-27T09:44:00.000+02:00

Tropophobia- Fear of moving or making changes

Moving...

2009-03-25T08:47:00.003+02:00

Hi, all

This is my last couple of days, living in my flat in Herold's as I know it. It is emotional, scary and somewhat saddening, as my folks helped me allot to fix it up and try to make it as "homie" as possible so that I will be ok, and feel loved and still taken care of. I appreciate it so so damn much, I really wish I could just let them know that, and not feel that I am throwing away all their hard work and sacrifices. They mean the world to me, my whole family does.

But I have to move away from here to take hold of my life and make it the way I need it and the way I have dreamt it to be.

I have made plans for CT and my friends and special peeps are there, another reason why it made the decision easier. I cant wait to be there and start this new chapter in my life!

But I am one of those people that is terrified to take the first couple of steps, but once I am there I quite enjoy where I am at. So for now, I just need to be strong, take those steps, have faith in God, my family and the future that awaits me. ( you know who you are... :) )

I love you all, thank you to those who keeps tabs on my blog, I appreciate it!

God bless,

Opportunities

2009-03-20T09:35:00.002+02:00

Opportunities seem to creep up at me, when I don't know what is next in my life and I don't quite know how I will get to where I think I should be going. It is amazing how God just makes ways for things to happen. I sometimes think that all I have to do is just flow with the current. It is funny how we worry bout things we cant change and forget about the things we can. I hope to see each opportunity as just that, a chance to do something I wouldn't necessarily do.

Cheers.

Grab the bull by the horns!

2009-03-18T09:03:00.002+02:00

Hey,

It has now come to the time that I grab the bull by the horns, bite down and face the music!

The past couple of weeks I have been trying really hard to remain calm and steady in my mind, soul and physical being. I have noticed that the last few days, I have become allot more depressive and crawled a bit into my shell. I cant afford to allow this, I need to stay strong, keep hope alive and trust God, have faith in Him, but still I struggle immensely with that. I can only thank God that He has laid people on my path to help me in this time of confusion, struggle and uncertainty.

Thank you to all of my friends, my special peeps and everyone else who is with me this time.

Love you all, take care and have a super blessed day,

Tata C :)

Alanis

2009-03-14T21:54:00.004+02:00

Alanis is my favourite international artist, she has this song, "Out is through" if you can get hold of it, please do. If you ever are going through a time where you feel like giving up, listen to it, and appreciate the gift of the song and its power.

Sad but Funny

2009-03-12T10:10:00.002+02:00

ENJOY

My mind is on a 5min break

2009-03-12T01:09:00.003+02:00

I am listening to Coldplay - Viva la Vida. And everytime I listen to this song, my mind seems to just leave me for a while and all I can find myself doing is rhythmically moving to the beat of the song, it almost feels like I am in a trance, this is maybe what the african culture's experience when beating on their drums, I don't know. But I can understand moving with a beat and getting lost.

I am loving the break, it is nice to just leave yourself for a while.

So,

.... back in 5.

Today I am wearing the T

2009-03-11T22:42:00.000+02:00

i dont want to!!

2009-03-10T22:48:00.001+02:00

i dont want to choose, i hate this!!!

Division....

2009-03-10T08:23:00.001+02:00

Which way, my heart says oneway, my mind says the other, well actually they are both saying the same thing bout both ways, how do you decide?!

The BOM... update

2009-03-10T08:18:00.002+02:00

Hi all,

My family is broken, I am broken, the reason being is because I am gay and am in love with a women, who is my world. I wish I could help my family, help myself and help my droomvrou. But I dont know how, I cant even think of how yet. So please pray for us all, please pray for wisdom, peace, contenment and understanding!!!

Thank you!

Cheers,

The BOM dropped

2009-02-26T09:48:00.000+02:00

Hey,

I just told my Mom, Dad and Boet, what they didn't want to hear.

The BOM

2009-02-26T08:55:00.002+02:00

Hi all,

Today i am gonna drop the bom, basically tell my folks pretty much everything that I have kept from them regarding my sexuality and the actions thereof.

Please pray for me, this is really going to be extremely difficult on both the receiving and sending sides.

I need wisdom, strength and patience. I need prayers to go to my family for strength to deal with the news and prayers that tell them it is not by their doing but by mine.

Thank you all for everything so far.

God bless,

How I feel

2009-02-10T19:13:00.004+02:00

"I get the strangest feeling—most of it can't be put into words. The whole world suddenly seems more real at first. It's as though everything becomes crystal clear. Then I feel as if I'm here but not here, kind of like being in a dream. It's as if I've lived through this exact moment many times before. I hear what people say, but they don't make sense. I know not to talk during the episode, since I just say foolish things. Sometimes I think I'm talking but later people tell me that I didn't say anything. The whole thing lasts a minute or two."

http://www.epilepsy.com/epilepsy/epilepsy_temporallobe

Paramedic, the start to a new career!

2009-01-27T09:45:00.004+02:00

Hi all,

Yesterday I attended my first course in entering the medical field as a paramedic, the course was about coma's and seizures, it was very interesting, but I still have so so much to learn, but I can't wait!!

Thanks to all that have been praying and still are.

God bless,

i just had to post this :)

2009-01-25T22:52:00.001+02:00

Future dream

2009-01-14T20:21:00.004+02:00

Hey,

Today I went to the George Hospital to enquire on how to become a paramedic or an ambulance assistant.

I will be starting a level 3 course on Monday, if I do well enough there then I might have the advantage of doing my Level 5 for free, other wise it will cost me around R5000,00 which technically I don't have. I am still excited tho.

On my way home i decided to go to two local restaurants, in Herolds Bay where I live, just to enquire on any waitressing or bartending positions, something I have absolute no experience in and just as God had planned I am starting at one of them tomorrow (Dutton's Cove), I am extremely nervous, but I will remain strong in my faith, as I know God will provide and grant me with a peacefilled, and content spirit.

Will keep you updated.

P.S. it is rather funny, I want to work in a field where i get to help save people and God is saving me in the process... I LOVE IT!!!!!

Cheers,

Light !

2008-12-19T21:12:00.002+02:00

I see hope, joy, tears, laughing, smiles, difficulty, pain, stress, enjoyment! Everything for the next bit of my journey forward but I am excited, I see the light of our gracious Father Son, Jesus Christ.

For this past year I have not belonged to a church and after a long long chat with my Mom, who is very straight and doesn't beat about the bush, I came to allot of realizations as she said them out loud, many people I regard very highly have told me the same things, I think I was just too stubborn to listen and actually realize the truth in what they are saying, I don't necessary think it hit me as my Mom was talking to me, but since i am shit scared of my Mom, I listened more tentatively.

And yes, I messed up royally this year, I took allot for granted, I had had excuses for almost everything that was wrong in my life, and that means allot of excuses.

BUT, I have decided to follow Jesus x3 no turning back praise the Lord no turning back! I always like that song :)

I see this new year as my second chance, to change my negative things into positive, to focus on my strengths and not my weaknesses, try to be humble and everything that makes a good child in the eyes of our Lord God our Father!!!

I see the light, at the end of this tunnel I have been traveling in this past year, and all I can do is thank the Lord, that He has given me people who understand me, love me - enough to be honest even tho it might hurt some time.

Thank you all for your support and kind words.

Chat soon,

UNEMPLOYED!

2008-12-15T20:25:00.003+02:00

Hello All,

I think i made a record in some type of book, town, country, or some other shit like that. I for the third time this year am looking for work, yes, I got no more work, again!!!

I am so bloody angry, upset, sad, disappointed, scared and numb. I wish I could just get a job and actually stay there long enough to actually let my pen dry out.Wish things were different.

Please pray for me, I really need it right now, probably more than ever!!!

Thanx,

Amanda Strydom - a voice to bipolar!

2008-12-09T09:02:00.008+02:00

Amanda Strydom is most positively my favourite artist!

I love her style, her history, her "nakedness", her very open look at life.

She is a women, with allot of history besides the known bunch of facts that the net, papers supply. She has made it public knowledge a while back that she suffers from bipolar, which for me is amazing, that someone with this disease, has come to a place in life that she can openly speak about it. I too suffer from bipolar, and i can definitely say that it is a thing that one tries to hide and make as if it never exists.

Myself and a friend (Eva, who also happens to have bipolar) went to a show of hers recently, and loved it, it was absolutely inequitably her!! After the show Eva and I decided to thank her for a great show, get a cd signed :) but mainly to thank her for her openness to the disease and giving it a bit of a voice, people who have never encountered someone with bipolar won't know what I am talking about, so therefor it is up to us to educate and answer the questions.

I must say that this is an evening i will never forget, being a fan of hers, or anyone for that matter, we usually put them on somewhat of a pedestal, and look up to them, and have great respect for them. And no doubt, that was the description of Eva and myself that evening. When we could actually speak to Amanda, it became one of the best conversations I have ever had, now taking into account I was so in shock I hardly spoke a word, luckily Eva could. We very simply thanked her for being brave enough to not hide her bipolar, the first thing she asked us was, "are you on the right medication?", that immediate concern, the look in her eyes, showed care, and it was a look of, i understand. She took our hands, very tightly, and she spoke to us, from a deep part of her heart. We spoke of our experiences, pains of the bipolar struggle, and at that time I realized that we were all equal, with our own insecurities, thoughts, and very scary times.

Now that was a pivotal moment in my life, as i hate having bipolar, a teacher of mine at school also had bipolar, and she later on committed suicide. When i was at school i always thought that she was the weird teacher who everyone make fun of, just before i completed matric i went to her and asked for forgiveness, for being a difficult student in her class. She only taught me in grade 8 and 9, but that guilt stayed with me, and i couldn't leave school without saying sorry, she very happily said its not a problem and gave me a hug with a great big smile, this was 2002, she took her own life in 2007. As i have grown older, i have been able to see the spells of bipolar in her actions and ways, the way she taught, I could pick out her manic stages and then the deep dark days. My one big regret is that we made fun of something she couldn't control. i now know how that feels. I was diagnosed in 2000, i first thought i was going crazy, one moment happy the next suicidal, i was at the same time diagnosed with TLE (temporal lobe epilepsy) the two don't work together to say the least.

My wish, is to educate as many people as i can about bipolar, epilepsy, depression, anxiety disorder, (OCD) obsessive compulsive disorder. These are all things i suffer from, luckily i have family and friends who love me, appreciate me, and most importantly know me, they know the stages and the little things i do and say when i am not all together :)

So this is my plea, next time you hear of any of these diseases, think about it, read up a bit, i promise you things will look somewhat differently.

So thank you Amanda, jy's 'n ster!!!

FAITH

2008-12-04T10:25:00.003+02:00

Many times I have no idea what faith means, but some how these past couple of days, I have been blessed with an unshakable experience of faith and trust, to have faith in someone, to trust someone completely and totally!

It is a nice experience, I need it at the moment in my life. I have had a difficult time these past couple of months, and yet, God is still keeping me on my feet, and giving me the strength to go on! He has blessed me with amazing people and for that I am extremely grateful, He knows me, I am a see believe person :)

I have a weird relationship with God, I don't speak much to Him, but when I do it is sincere, I don't go to church, but I know that He loves me and I do my best to be a child He can be proud of. It is going to change, to a fuller and stronger relationship, but I am patient and keeping the faith.

God bless,

Eina

2008-11-15T21:33:00.002+02:00

Hey Julle,

Wil net sê die lewe suig vreeslik baie vandag! Hoekom is dit as mens iemand ten volle vertrou maak dit meer eina as hulle nie die volle waarheid vertel nie??

R E G I S T E R !!!

2008-11-06T16:13:00.005+02:00

DONT FORGET

TO REGISTER

THIS WEEKEND

FOR

OUR PRESEDENT IAL

ELECTIONS IN '09!!!

WELL DONE, BARACK!!!

2008-11-06T16:06:00.002+02:00

Finally, some sence.....

HOPE

2008-10-08T12:48:00.003+02:00

Hi All,

Today I just want to speak a bit about hope and what it has meant in my life the past couple of weeks.

I have never really understood the real meaning of hope, my definition as always been that hope means you really want something to be. Now lately I have realised that with hope should come faith, trust and surrendering of one self. We so often just really want things for others, ourselves and who knows what else, but i think that if we really want something, we should believe the people and believe in them that we are hoping for, trust them and pray for that, which we hope for.

Just some ramblings...

Enjoy your day,

REALITY

2008-09-22T12:02:00.000+02:00

pissed

2008-09-22T11:41:00.001+02:00

W T F ?

Prosecuted

2008-06-11T14:50:00.004+02:00

Hey All,

I am an open loud and proud Lesbian. Now this is where my topic of "prosecuted" comes in to today's post.

I am constantly being prosecuted for my openness about my sexuality, I tried very hard to deny it for many years, and as I was planning a wedding with a gentleman of a guy, I broke it off as I just really realized that you will never be able to change the core of who you are.

Thus, I am who I am, if you don't like me - tuff shit!!!

I had a teacher at school who would say (FIOFO) meaning fit-in-or-fuck-off.

And I kinda have to say I like that saying.

Now to get back to the origin of the post.

The guys whom I work with are "christians" and yes they are, but they prosecute and judge me daily and consistently, in many subtle ways, so how do I say that me being gay doesn't matter, as God loves me NO matter what.

I just wish that people would not look at all those around them, but rather work on the improvement of their own lives, why must we always pic on others when it comes to our insecurities and weaknesses - cant we just grow up already??!!!

I am very slowly but seemingly surely becoming sexist if this continues, as it seems to usually be guys who do all the judging and in steed of just asking and enquiring they assume, like the guys at work think I want to be a guy - HELL NO, THEY GROSS!!!! I DON'T HAVE GENDER IDENTITY DISORDER - I AM LESBIAN that's all. Cant understand the issue, we all are made in the image of God and we all got His approval the day we were born, and His Son Jesus Christ died for ALL of us, not just a select few.

So I ask this one simple question; why are we afraid of the things that "abnormal, or uncommon" - DO WE WALK THROUGH LIFE WITH SHUTTERS ON? Just keeping our opinion as the only opinion??

Ciao

pain

2008-05-28T12:23:00.004+02:00

i was lost, you found me
i was hurt, you held me
you looked at me,
saw the wounded child within me
showed me care
in the midst of my hurt and despair
emotionally broken, torn apart
moving with the motions, just trying to play my part
hopeful i think, maybe desperate
maybe just trying, to find gods light
knowing things can change,
hopefully they will today

DREAM

2008-05-27T15:06:00.000+02:00

You come to me and take my hand
then you look into my eyes
So much is said without one word
for there the truth can’t hide
One kiss from you and I am lost
it’s difficult to even breath
More kisses follow, growing deeper now
you have me dropping to my knees
In your arms the world stands still
thoughts are reeling in my head
Piece by piece the clothes come off
please, I need you in my bed
We melt together skin on skin
you are such a beautiful sight
The feel of your body in my arms
we’ll be making love all night
I kiss a trail down the length of you
as you offer yourself to me
Your body moves as you urge me on
barely whispering frantic please
Wonderful wetness pours from you
your desire coats my lips
My fingers move deep inside of you
in perfect rhythm with your hips
Together as one we both fly high
you collapse on top of me
I open my eyes and you’re not here
dear God, it was just a dream

©Laura Lord

Theft

2008-05-24T13:48:00.002+02:00

Hey All,

I got to my car this morning to go to work and as the devil would have it, my car was broken into, there is electrical and body damage to the car of about R13000.00 as the car can't drive either and about R23000.00 worth of goods stolen/broken out, its amazing what a front loader and all the other little goodies that also go in your car can end up to about almost sometimes what the car is worth.

I feel so irritated, now I am dependent on others for transport for about, well till the car can drive again.

I wish others would just have respect for others belongings and leave alone which is not yours.

Well, I guess we need to look at the bright side, the car wasn't stolen - ha ha

Anyways,

Enjoy your weekend

Dress Code vs Inner Peace

2008-05-19T10:53:00.002+02:00

Hey All,

My boss called me today and asked in a nice kinda you have to way that I must dress more feminine and do the whole make-up thing, I am not a complete butch or anything like that, I just really like my jeans and T's or shirts. Now I am expected to present myself for something that I am not, how can you be happy with that.

One thing that I promised myself is that I WILL ALWAYS BE ME, INSIDE AND OUT - NO MATTER WHAT!!!!

I am so frustrated at the moment, I don't really know how to feel. But I do know this, when I am at my happiest I am in a pair of Levi's and a T.

Anyway what is your opinion of dress code, shouldn't we accept people for who they are inside???

Irritated and tired of being told to change who I am!!!!

Bye

Reality ??

2008-05-14T16:27:00.003+02:00

Hi everyone :)

I have been questioning the "realism" of reality... Many things happen in our life that becomes a daily chore or habit or routine and many times we tend to loose reality for a moment, like for example driving on your way to work, you do it everyday, and there are times where you ask yourself, how did I get here, did I stop at the last stop street or was the robot red or green?? We tend to not notice what is really going on around us as our minds are busy busy busy.

Now the relevance of that example in my life is this, I have moved out of my parents home and at the same time moved towns and province. So I don't really have a support base yet, and that leaves you to fend for yourself, physically, spiritually and mentally/emotionally. I have noticed that being on my own, I have in my view become slightly more insane or lost X amount of reality.

So my question, how does a person deal with it and has it happened to you??

Ciao

C

A ha !

2008-05-12T14:59:00.002+02:00

It's amazing how things do really happen when they should.

A very close friend of mine past away in 2006 and she gave me the name and author of a book probably in 2003, and I never thought of buying the book, but I kept the piece of paper tho.

So yesterday I went to the mall and bought the book, and the relevance now is more substantial than what I could ever imagine. The books name is "The Invitation, written by Oriah Mountain Dreamer"

So I would like to say thank you to God HIS TIME and thank you for using our friends and family to guide us and nurture us through life.

Be blessed all, en dankie Liesie, miss jou, en nog steeds baie lief vir jou!!!

Lv altyd,
Jackie Brown ;)

Today

2008-05-07T15:51:00.003+02:00

Hey Guys

I wish things going on in my life would just change a bit, I really do wish that things would just start settling down and start feeling like home.

I pray that God will just help me find the needs in my heart, to attend to them so that I can be in a better state of mind.

I feel like a car wreck, all scrambled up, and people are kinda going eina, or just look away as they don't want to see the damage.

But yeah, to conclude, I just want to say, be blessed!

Cheers

C

FUCKING PISSED OFF!!!!!

2008-04-16T12:44:00.003+02:00

I am so fucking mad with those people that brag that they belong to God and they depend on Him and that He will make everything work and He will provide and look after them, financially, emotionally etc.

B U T

Then they just sit on there fat ass, and expect things to happen and that people should go to them and give them what they want, because "they have prayed for it" its a load of bull, God won't just give you something if you don't do your part as well, and even if something does come along and you don't like it you mess it up, whats up with that??

If you going to complain about something THEN do something about it so you have nothing to complain about, DON'T be a lazy ass - it PISSES PEOPLE OFF, BIG TIME!!!!

Don't have a pity party and sulk if you can change things, then you a LOOSER!!!!!!!!!!!

If you want something WORK FOR IT YOU ASSHOLES!!!!

GET UP AND DO SOMETHING THAT HAS WORTH!!!!!

Crappy

2008-04-15T13:05:00.003+02:00

Hi Guys

Today I am really feeling crap, I am looking so badly for a place to stay in George where I can have my doggy with me, I hate being lonely, being alone is ok, but the loneliness is just really getting to me, I am currently living in Groot Brak, it feels like a retirement villi age.

But I have been blessed with a great job and really good colleagues, so maybe I shouldn't complain right...

I wish that things would just start getting sorted out, I am a very impatient person, I need to have my own space and own things around me...

But keep well guys, have a blessed day.

Blessed

2008-04-11T08:55:00.002+02:00

Hey All,

I pray you all doing well, I haven't blogged in a while, as my new job has less net access as the previous one.

But I would really just like to share that God has blessed me so very much during my work transition, and moving to George, I love it here, and the people are really treating me great! God has really bless me so so much in all aspects of my life.

I only pray that all who read this, will experience the same love and grace that God has blessed me with, and that Gods love will surround all who accept him as the one and only!

Will chat more in detail when i can,

Much love always,

C

The L Word.....

2008-03-28T11:59:00.001+02:00

Look for it, and enjoy!!!

Alanis

2008-03-27T14:14:00.003+02:00

She is my favourite artist of all time, and the question really applies very well in my life at the moment;

"ARE YOU COURAGEOUS" ?

I hope so...

Weird and wonderful!

2008-03-27T09:58:00.004+02:00

Hey everyone :)

I hope and trust that you are all doing well, and that you have had an amazingly blessed Easter!!

I have had a very weird and wonderful week, I went to go visit my best friend this week with another one of our friendship group and it was weird in the sense that I think we all expected so much and to catch up on so much that we all had our own idea and were some what disappointed and maybe unhappy with each other.

So it got me starting to think of expectations and the drive there of. We all want things in life and we really try to make a way for things to work out as we plan or would hope.

Now the weird part of the weekend is that there was an incident that made all of us a bit shaken up and from there the weekend really just kinda hit a low and I think that we all didn't quite know how to deal with it. Have you ever been in a situation like this, if so what did you do??

The wonderful part for me though, was that I had the opportunity to spend time and quality time with close friends, I got to spend a lot of play time with my "little skelmpie" we wrestled, played cricket, swam in the sea together and had lots of stories to tell each other, and for that I am extremely happy and blessed.

I really do pray that God will heal our hearts and give us the understanding to over come the disappointment and hurt that we all experienced.

But mostly I want to say that God is awesome and He is mighty!!!

Much love,

New adventures

2008-03-18T05:27:00.002+02:00

Hi all,

New adventures is the top discussion in my mind at the moment, I usually joke with my friends that there are two of me and I am both, thus its easy to have a discussion ;)

But seriously, this is the first time I am moving out of town and going to be totally dependant on myself, i am really looking forward to the challenge and adventure of new beginnings.

I am naturally nervous, but I am assured that God wants me in George, so I trust that all will go according to His plan.

I have been awake since 02:24 this morning and not able to fall back asleep, so at 04:11 I got up and got ready for work. So I have been at work at 05:12, due to nerves I am assuming, but in any case, if you guys have any good advise, don't hesitate...

Thanx and blessings,

C

God is awesome!

2008-03-13T15:23:00.003+02:00

I GOT A JOB TODAY!!!!

I sent a couple of sms's got a phone number of a guy that owns a musical instrument shop, chatted with him for bout 8min, and now I am moving to George on 15 April to start my new life.

I am so excited and scared at the same time, but I am certain that God wants me there, I told a friend last night that I would love to move to Knysna or George and at the same time I also mentioned that I am not really that scared about getting a job, as God has a plan for me, and now its not even been 24hrs and I got the answer to my prayer.

I just really want to thank everyone who prayed for work for me, and who support me!!!

God Bless to you all,

Love,

C

Work ;(

2008-03-10T10:20:00.002+02:00

Hi All,

Please pray for me, I am once again in search of work - the company I work for has gone through some financial difficulty, resulting in me have to be retrenched....

Please pray that there will be a (quick) solution, way and direction for this new path I am going to travel...

God Bless,

Insecure

2008-03-05T14:58:00.005+02:00

Hi,

Its amazing how insecure one gets when you are suddenly informed that you not needed, even if it was said in a joke.

Now today has been one of those days, where I am extremely over sensitive, I am taking everything personally, and I don't know why :)

I guess I have that feeling that of the saying "stilte voor die storm" in english "the calm before the storm"

But have a great afternoon and eve,

Cheers

Business

2008-02-28T15:23:00.006+02:00

hello everyone :)

I have been wondering for a while about investing in a business or at least getting my foot in the door in that direction, I don't have money to splash around, so I need to work my way into something, there is a possibility of getting profit sharing at my current work, now this is where the catch is, the company has been and is still going through a ruff patch financially, but I believe that it's not going to die, I believe that God will rescue us from this hole we are in, I love my job and so do the others who also work here. So it's basically just about getting the right marketing formula and clients, we have planned, and started a new marketing scheme - which is very promising. I love the management of business and I love graphic designing, and thats my job, drawing, managing my department, so why can't it work....

Am I being too hopefull? Am in some serious denial, or am I just believing???

I don't know, could you please give me your opinion, I need an objective view....

Looking forward to your comments,

Cheers for now

MUSIC ?

2008-02-26T13:32:00.003+02:00

Hi All

I work as a graphic designer amongst my follow workers and friends, so therefore we all work with earphones on, and I have been wondering, each song releases a different emotion. I have been through a couple of good and real bad ones, and no matter what song it is - I can relate...

Is it our imagination, our ability to sympathise, empathise, wish I knew.

What is your take on this...??

Cheers

C ;)

happy valentine every1

2008-02-14T11:15:00.000+02:00

poetry

2008-02-11T09:11:00.000+02:00

DREAMS
by Alan Cook

I met a girl, her face aflame with youth,
who came skipping down the street, her rope atwirl.
She said she'd like to skip the whole world over
and meet its people young and old. This girl
had diamonds in her eyes. I asked her when
she'd start; she was so vibrantly alive.
But then she looked at me and heaved a sigh.
"My mother said I must be home by five."

I met a boy who was in tune with all
the animals and plants, from bee to tree.
He said he could commune with them and learn
the secrets of a life of harmony.
"I'd love to live among my friends; I know
I could discover nature's Golden Rule."
"And so you should," I said. "Alas, I have
to study law, and now I'm late for school."

I met a woman with a baby in
her arms, a book of verses by her side.
She said at heart she was a poet who
must explode from her cocoon. "I cannot hide
it anymore. My metaphors need warmth
and light to flourish or they'll soon be dead."
"Right on! Here is a pen," said I. We heard
a cry. "Not now. The baby must be fed."

I met a man, designer-clad, with car
of proper vintage, monogrammed his case,
who said he'd like to live on a mountainside
by a singing brook, give up the silly chase.
"I'd run with deer, instead, and then at dawn
I'd rope the sun and ride across the sky."
I said, "Why not?" His Rolex shook its hands
at him. He blanched. "The time! I've got to fly!"

And then I knew what I should do--go forth
to seek all people trapped and set them free.
And go I shall, but I cannot tonight
because my favorite sitcom's on TV.

What are we living for?

2008-02-06T10:57:00.000+02:00

Deep Thoughts ......

2008-02-01T09:44:00.000+02:00

Hey,

Today all i'm gonna do is speak my mind!

I am feeling so very fucking pissed off, it feels like everything I am involved in is falling apart, relationships, work - I am in an emotional chaotic state at the moment.

Whats Gods, plan with my life, were must I go, where does He want me???

I am kind of feeling lost, desparate for answers and direction.

Ciao

Poetry, my love ...

2008-01-30T06:41:00.000+02:00

Sudden Emptiness

This sudden emptiness consumes my mind,
Takes hold of my thoughts,
Eludes this hold on life – mine,

My heart needs to be crammed full of you,
Simply overflow of love anew.

You hold me, make me feel safe,
Take my mind to another place,

I love you Baby,
I’m missing you

I need you Gorgeous,
I long for your smile,
I long for a baby, to call mine.

This sudden emptiness consumes my mind,
Knowing you left me, just in time.

This is a poem I wrote when the most important person left my life, she inspired me, smiled at me, made me feel happy inside. She died in a car accident in 2006, I now say goodbye Liesie, you were one of a kind!!! Lvj

What makes someone gay or lesbian?

2008-01-24T14:01:00.000+02:00

This was something I read from one of my links and I thought I should just put it out here, perhaps whom ever comes across my blog, will learn something new.

Cheers

Crimson

What Makes someone Gay or Lesbian?

What causes homosexuality? There has been much debate about what causes homosexuality. Is there a gay gene? Is homosexuality caused by environmental factors, such as upbringing, child molestation, an absent mother or affectionate father? Or is it something we’re born with, an inherited trait, like skin or hair color?

Although there have been few studies on the cause of homosexuality, the debate seems to be divided, with scientists in one corner and religious fundamentalists in another.

What is Sexual Orientation?The American Psychological Association defines sexual orientation as such: Sexual orientation is an enduring emotional, romantic, sexual, or affectional attraction that a person feels toward another person. Sexual orientation falls along a continuum. In other words, someone does not have to be exclusively homosexual or heterosexual, but can feel varying degrees of attraction for both genders.

Sexual orientation develops across a person's lifetime—different people realize at different points in their lives that they are heterosexual, gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

They go on to say that sexual behavior is not the same as sexual orientation. Certainly gay individuals can engage in heterosexual sex, in fact many do before they come out. One needs to look no further than the prison population to see evidence of homosexual behavior in otherwise heterosexual individuals. (And I’m not including incidents of prison rape in this analysis.)

Also, the work of Alfred Kinsey in the 1950s determined that most individuals are not exclusively homosexual or heterosexual, but most fall somewhere in the between the two.

Why does it matter?Does it matter if homosexuality is a choice or if it’s something one is born with? Shouldn’t gay people be afforded the same rights as heterosexuals whether being gay is a choice or not? Not all people think that way.

If homosexuality is caused by genetic or inborn traits, then gay and lesbian people would be unable to change their sexual orientation, even if they wanted to. But if homosexuality is caused by some environmental factor, then gays and lesbians could change and become straight with therapy. Or so some religious fundamentalists and other anti-gay crusaders would have you believe.

Is being gay a choice?If you ask most gay people they will tell you that being gay is not something they chose. Why would anyone choose to be something that could cause them to be scorned by society, rejected by their families, deny them rights and subject them to possible violent hate crimes? That is not to say that all of being gay or lesbian is negative. In fact, most lesbians, once they come out, say they’ve never been happier or more fulfilled.

Some lesbians will contend that being gay is a choice, especially those who were once married or came out later in life. Others are angered to hear someone say that. Sheryl Swoopes received some scorn from the gay and lesbian community when she said she thought being gay was her choice., “I think there are a lot of people -- gays and lesbians -- who believe you are born that way. I think there also a lot of people who believe it's a choice. And, for me, I believe it was a choice. I was at a point in my life where I had gone through a divorce and was not in a relationship, and the choice I made happened to be that I fell in love with another woman” she said in an interview on Gay.com
Many gays and lesbians would argue that being gay is not a choice, but whether to act on it is. We don’t choose our sexual orientation, but we do choose whether or not to come out of the closet.
Most scientific organizations also believe that homosexuality is not a choice, that biology plays some role. The National Mental Health Association says, “Most researchers believe sexual orientation is complex, and that biology plays an important role. This means that many people are born with their sexual orientation, or that it’s established at an early age.”

What Twin Studies Tell us about HomosexualityScientists have studied twins to try and learn if being gay is biologically determined. Studies of identical and fraternal twins suggest that there is a genetic influence on sexual orientation. If being gay were strictly genetic, then in identical twins, there would be a 100% concordance rate for sexual orientation. But one study in 1995 found a 52% correlation for male identical twins and 22% for male fraternal twins. A study on females came up with similar results. If one identical twin was a lesbian, in 48% of cases, the other twin was also a lesbian. For fraternal twins, the concordance was 16%. (source Simon LeVay
These studies show that people with the same genetic make up (identical twins) are more likely to share sexual orientation than those with different genetic make up (fraternal twins.) Genetics alone cannot cause sexual orientation, but they do play a part.

Is there a gay gene?Scientists have not been able to conclude that there is any gene or combination of genes that will make someone gay. Genetics is very complex and scientists continue to study both humans and animals chromosomes for linkage to sexual orientation.
What about the gay brain study?A widely publicized study in 1999 found that a certain part of the hypothalamus was smaller in gay men then in heterosexual men. This study was widely touted at the time as “proof” that one’s sexual orientation is biological and not chosen. But it is not known whether these differences in brain are present at birth or if they occur over a lifetime.

In conclusionDespite social science and biological research, it is still not known what causes someone to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or straight. Scientists and social scientists will no doubt continue to study the causes of homosexuality in both animals and humans. No matter what they find, gays, lesbians and their supporters will continue the fight for fair and equal treatment.

First Days...

2008-01-22T07:02:00.000+02:00

Wow, my best friends son started school, grade 1 today, he is a very eager learner and is very bright as well. He gets along with just about everyone, as he's a real chatter box. He is well grounded in what he believes and he knows where he can go to if he has a problem...

Can you remember your first day in sub a or grade 1, I can't really, but I can remember changes schools in standard 1, grade 3. That alone was traumatic for me as I am a natural loner, and I don't really cope well with making new friends, so all these new things were not really my idea of fun exciting new school.

The reason I shared this is, because not much has changed for me, I still tend to be a loner, struggle to make friends, I dedicate myself to 1 friend and that's it, which always gets me in some type of situation where I experience some hurt, or loss. But that is ok, I guess it is the way I am wired.

To those who read this blog, please give me your opinion; spiritually and psychologically....

Thanks

Crimson

Heat

2008-01-17T12:49:00.000+02:00

Hey :)

Here in BFN it is so hot at the moment it feels like I could melt!!! And to add to that frustration we are experiencing power sharing on a daily basis for an average of four hours. So either you experience no coffee when you wake up or robots not working on your way home.

It feels the earth is coming to an end, I wish I could move to Antarctica or somewhere like that and make snow angels all day.

Anyways - have a great day guys.

God Bless and may He keep you all safe and sound!

Crimson

Receiving hands

2008-01-10T16:36:00.000+02:00

Lord, please help me open my heart to receive more of you!

God's angel's

2008-01-08T12:46:00.000+02:00

Alet, just for you ;)

Peace please?

2008-01-04T10:28:00.000+02:00

Which piece of this picture takes away from our God???

There is a thin line between so many things, which side are you on?

We need to stand together and be peace not just try to act like it every now and then!!!

What does peace mean to you?

Malevolent

2008-01-03T15:07:00.000+02:00

One of my favourite words!

It’s a pity its meaning isn’t so favourable.

Malevolent; (ma lévvalant)
1. Wanting to cause harm, having or showing a desire to harm others.
2. Harmful or evil, having a harmful or evil effect or influence.

Now that you have the meaning of the word, perhaps I can explain why I want to write about it.

One of my friends has been unfairly dismissed on grounds that I don’t even think a smurf would fall for, but the district of the church she is in can’t make any mistakes, they are just perfect, with all their allies and informants ( whom for personal reasons wrongly inform – “ factually” ) she has not much of a choice to submit, the district has been trying to get her out for the past year and a half.

Now that leads to my next question; do Christians run the church of today? Are we part of a cult disguised as Christianity??

Can people get so lost in the formalities, politics, power that they believe they can actually over power God??

Well Good Luck, may our God have mercy on your souls…..

Crimson

Work = Fun

2007-11-20T17:14:00.000+02:00

Hey, everyone :)

Hope you all doing well?!

I'd just like to share that I have started my new work as a graphic designer and I'm loving it - to draw all day and get paid for it is fabulous!!! But what is better is I am working in a christian based company amongst christian people.

So all I want to say is thank you to all who prayed and all praise to our Heavenly Father!

Cheers,

C :)

The Fallen Pencil

2007-10-26T16:10:00.001+02:00

The Fallen Pencil

I was chatting with one of my friends on Sunday, we were sharpening pencils which had fallen, thus the led had broken so you had to keep on sharpening and really got no where as the led had kept on falling out - so we figured we would write about this - use it as a metaphorical illustration.

We as people so often do need to be trimmed and be "sharpened" round the edges, we need to be shown where we do wrong, where we need to change our ways so that we don't keep on falling - loosing our way, making that dreaded detour off the "God-road" I have in my life detoured too many times and its is amazing how we know we are, but we still continue to do so, and once we have messed up so much – we then wonder how, when and why we got there?! Then we go running to God crying asking questions, saying He left us, but we turned our back on Him – we chose our way and not His.

So where does the “Fallen Pencil” metaphor relate? Allow yourself to be sharpened, allow yourself to have your insides pulled out, be willing and knowledgeable that it takes breaking down the old to build up the new – with that process comes growth, healing, insight to oneself, reconciliation all from our loving, caring merciful Father whom always stands with open arms to forgive and receive us over and over and over again!!

One of my “comfort saying” or favourite saying about God is;

OUR GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD, HE REIGNS FROM HEAVEN ABOVE!!!!!

Busy busy busy . . . . .

2007-10-22T10:23:00.000+02:00

It is amazing how some people can seem to look so busy but all they end up doing is wasting energy and time, stressing, panicking, running around looking like chickens without heads. I think, and yes I too do get in a panic and do nothing trying to do everything - but I think we need to learn to breath and take it easy.

I wish us all luck in trying to relax - work constructively, ornately...!!

Cheers,

C

Enrichment...

2007-10-17T13:34:00.000+02:00

My best friend is a probation minister, and she has gone to her folks to study for her exams. She is a few years older than me, and that has just made me so badly want to study further - in anything, I love to research / study psychology, philosophy, theology. So I have decided that I should make up my mind on exactly what it is that I would really like to know at this present moment, and go for it - thanx girlfriend :-) you're a star, I'm proud of you and good luck.

You'll make a great minister, God has a plan for you and the fam . . . He knows and He knows best!!!

Cheers,

C

Praise be to God!!!

2007-10-04T14:12:00.000+02:00

Hi all :-)

If you have been following my blog, you would have noted that I have been complaining about work often enough. Just as I was about to really give up, and pack my things and leave - well I had packed my things and left - for the day that is, I came back the next morning, BUT with an unshakable faith that God would fix it all today!! Let me explain;

I had to visit an ex co-worker Monday 1 Oct, whom I had walked out the Friday 28 Sep before I came back from my magnificent week long hike in the Tsitsikamma Mountains, as I had to be filled in on some details regarding work, and I simply mentioned to her flat mate that I am very desperate to get out, so she gave me a number of a guy she knows and said he might need a graphic designer... so I called him on the Tuesday, made an appointment for the Wednesday 13:15 but from when pressed that little red button I knew, God has opened door, and we closing the current one. I left work that afternoon, feeling nervous, thinking that maybe I'm too hopeful, counting my chickens before they hatch, so I spoke to a couple to close friends, they all advised me to not just give 24hour notice and leave but to work the month notice that is required, so I got home and discussed it with my parents, my Mom said first find another job then resign, my Dad said, go for the interview see how it goes and then there after follow your gut. But what it is that I would like to share is, I knew when I went for that interview that God was going to come through for me, more than what I have ever experienced a "knowing" / faith before, I really wanted to start the day off with the resignation, but the commandment of honour your Mother and your Farther surpassed the "feeling" of "my" faith.

Our God is an awesome God and He does answer our prayers, and He does not leave us alone - NO matter what. For me I learnt that, what we feel or think we know will never surpass our Gods law, He created it because He knows better . . .

Much Love,

C

Hopefull!!!

2007-09-18T11:46:00.000+02:00

Hey everyone :)

Hope you all doing well ?!

I have had a hard couple of days, but hey we will survive - we have an awesome God!!!! I hope that you all have been better than what I have. I know one thing tho. God does NOT leave us alone, He does NOT forsake us, He will NEVER forget about us!!! He carries us, He comforts us, He loves us dearly - He sent His only son to die for us, we are special, we are His!!!

Enjoy your day, trust in our amazing God, our saviour, be hopeful, know that in Him all is possible,

Much love,

C ;)

Opportunities

2007-08-28T17:21:00.000+02:00

Hey :)

So I have been complaining about work, basically since I started up this blog. Now this opportunity has slowly and steadily crept up in my path and I might be in for a bit of a career change, I hope so, if things work out the way I hope and pray they will then I will be in partnership with some descent people, doing graphic designing part-time, then I'll only have to worry about the other half of my day.

So hey ;)

Have a great one,

Cheers,

C

Underestimator ?

2007-08-20T10:07:00.000+02:00

I'm back at work, feeling alone - kind of watching my back and wondering who is going to be the next one to take out their dagger and stab me in the back, now I'm not expecting to have these long lost friends at work with these long lasting friendships, not in the least, they not even people I would hang out with, but I try to have a professional relationship with them as we are at work - right?

The politics at work seems to make me think that I'm in the wrong career or industry I should be in government if this is what I want to be surrounded with on a daily basis. . .

All I can say is, if a woman ever call herself a bitch and she is serious don't think she's kidding, she could just be warning you, I fell for that trick. And boy, was I taken for one serious ride, I don't know if I should kick myself for being so naive or for thinking that no way someone can call them self a bitch and actually mean it, I don't know, I think I just want to see the best in people so badly that I simply just don't always see the bad. . .

But so we grow up and learn, I guess we all have our own lessons and have to learn in our own time, I do know now that when people speak about themselves listen to them, after all they should know themselves best.

Keep well, have a great afternoon

Cheers,

C

;)

Christian Action??

2007-08-16T16:32:00.000+02:00

Hey,

It's amazing, how blind you can be to the world and its action when you haven't been in it for a while you all of a sudden see all these truths and hidden facts which you never noticed before, I've been off from work for the past three and a half weeks and to come back has been an absolute shocker, I thought I was surrounded with Christians but man was I wrong, some call themselves Christians, but theirs actions say something else, not all are bad, but the select few make the difference and urgency to want to get out and get out fast!!!!

So I ask of you please pray for me, pray that I may have inner strength to not loose my cool like I did this morning and react instead of just act accordingly and Christ-like.

Please pray that I may find a work that I will be respected and treated as I treat my colleagues.

Any how,

cheers, keep well - hope you guys are all doing well?!

C

Writer's Block . . .

2007-08-13T16:54:00.000+02:00

Have you ever found yourself in that position that you so badly want to write, you have so much to say and share and as you about to, you can just quite not express yourself correctly or you in the wrong mood, or you being disturbed by all the wrong people...

Anyways, that has kind of been my reason for not being round, I've have a bit of writer's "blog"...

Anyhow,

I'm still round, keep well and God bless,

Cheers,

C :)

Issues...

2007-07-30T15:42:00.000+02:00

I have issues, and LOTS of them . . . :)

One of the issues I have is rejection, being ignored, not being noticed... Look, don't get me wrong I don't always want attention all of the time, but just that simple acknowledgement that you are actually in the room would help.

I have been absent from work for the past week dew to health reasons, I am expecting to still go for one or two more test within the next couple of days, so once again I will not be present. But the atmosphere here at work is just so unbearable, although on the flip side I'm not too sure what I was expecting.

I wish that we "our family" could all be healthy, happy, loving beings. Sharing this precious earth "home" which God has granted us the use of so freely, and instead we abuse and misuse our "home" and "family".

Cheers,

C

Mental Health

2007-07-25T08:47:00.000+02:00

Hi,

Today I am complaining and gonna be a cry baby . . .

I've been diagnosed with Temporal Lobe Epilepsy about 7 years ago, it has been controlled well enough to not make life too impossible, I was told by my Psychiatrist that I was improving and that I could slowly end my medication, so I did - responsibly.

Now roughly 6-9 months later after ending my medication I have experienced my 3rd seizure/attack - I feel like crap to say the least!!! I know that something is wrong, I've had a Cat Scan and they (the doctors) say everything is normal, so then why do I feel like I'm slowly dying, I've never felt so sure about something in my whole life, and I'm kind of content about it... Maybe I'm just horribly paranoid or it could be God's way of showing me prevenient grace - I don't know what His plan is... I just really hope that things will get sorted out real soon and that things will go back to normal.

I plead of you who read this to please pray for my health and a restful and content mind.

Thank you guys,

Dreams?

2007-07-20T14:32:00.000+02:00

I've always wanted to see the Twin Towers in the States, but as we all know 9/11 destroyed more than just dreams...

So I ask the question, what are dreams made up of, what compels us to want and aspire to something??

Do we want, need, dream for things that are / where lacking in our own lives, our childhood...

What can justify chasing a dream?

Cheers,

C :-)

Insecurity or Security dependency??

2007-07-18T20:50:00.000+02:00

Hey :)

I've been thinking, feeling and questioning these past couple of days, the subject; are we insecure people or security dependent people?

What I mean by this is, when things are somewhat out of our day to day routine, changing even if it is only temporarily. Example, your girlfriend, boyfriend, best friend is away on conference, holiday - what ever it may be, they are not there to listen, comfort, advise, understand the struggles that you currently face.

So this makes me question on how secure we are when our "safety-net" is out of town?? Are we dependent on other people for our own happiness and sense of belonging? Are we so insecure in our own ability to function accordingly that we just kind of freeze up and become an excuse of a human, an oxygen thief, almost go into hiding or "temporary death mode" until everything / everyone is back and things are normal / predictable? With no uncertain terms...

We all need security, we all need our safe place to fall - BUT, is it really a safe place to fall, if you fall when it is no longer there???

Please comment on these thoughts, I need an objective point of view.....

Cheers,

C...

Depression

2007-07-16T13:44:00.000+02:00

I am a depression sufferer, probably like most people on this earth. Sometimes it is not much of a hindrance, and other times it just is. Currently it is irritating the crap out of me. I hate not being able to control the way I feel, there isn't really much that is wrong in my life, I have work, food, roof over my head, GREAT friends and a loving family, so why do I feel like this?? I hate being sad over nothing. If I cant change something why feel bad about it?!

Today I feel like the earth can just swallow me in and forget about me. I wish that I could just go to sleep and wake up and everything will be alright, its kind of like being 6 years old, having a bad dream and your Mom sits/lies with you till you fall asleep again, and when you wake up you've forgotten about it all, that is what i wish could happen here...

I miss certain people in my life that can never come back, that I'll never see again. But I guess that is how life goes, right?

My wish is that no one I know or come into contact with will ever experience the emptiness and sadness that can steal a persons hope.

Cheers,

C

God's plan at "work".....

2007-07-13T16:04:00.000+02:00

It's amazing how some of God's plan for your life comes to light when things are going well. I'm in the printing industry, which is a fast (24hour) business where there is no space for errors, or taking your time. Thus my "insight" in God's plan is, or at least I think. When I came for the interview I firmly believed that God had/s a plan for me outside the "work" part of work, in other words; the people I'm surrounded with on a daily basis and my clientele. There is always work to be done with God's flock, we are always being moulded, to be better servants and children to our God.

Now, I've wanted to resign so many times, due to work politics, and the gossiping and bitching going on at work, but every time I tried to get out, something happened, I didn't get the "rescue/new job" or I did and then it didn't pay enough. So where does that leave me; in the current war field.

Things at work are going well now, my boss was terribly ill and absent from work in and out of hospital, but now he's back , things are becoming more like it use to be, which is so great!!!

I believe that it is God's plan for me to be working in this current job, as he works in me and the others I come in contact with.

All I can say is be blessed, depend on God and His understanding, His glorious plan for this the life/lives of His precious children.

Cheers,

C

Need Or Want??

2007-07-11T13:14:00.000+02:00

One of my friends has a posting on his blog, speaking about God providing us with what we need more than or insteadof what we want... Now I can manipulate things to be a need when they actually a want, but what happens if you want something so badly that it becomes a need - your life and it's happiness is almost determined by receiving that "want" which you "need" so badly, think about it what or who defines a need or a want? We all need and want things everyday, is it up to us to make these things happen, is it in our controll or is it above us and our understanding and ability?

Cheers,

C
:-)

Good Stuff....

2007-07-10T11:49:00.000+02:00

Hey,

Good stuff is my thought pattern today. I just feel so blessed and grateful for all that I have that it would be just really stupid to complain or spend time on things that I cannot change. I firmly believe in destiny and that we all have a place that we must end up or be at when our lives come to an end, we might not always travel the predestined path but in the end we will reach our destiny. Today it feels as if I'm getting closer to that predestined path and that nothing can go drastically wrong. God is on my side, He loves me, believes in me!! How can life not go well?!

That's my feeling of "good stuff" today.

Cheers,

C

Mind "f***"

2007-07-03T13:33:00.000+02:00

It's amazing how powerful the mind can be when you want it too. We the human being are actually quite intelligent, we just don't believe it for ourselves. I struggle daily with that - believing in myself, my faith, my friends and probably life in general.

Why is it that our insecurities can cause such destruction in our minds eye of ourselves and self-worth?? Are we really a nation that can't see ourselves to have worth - whats up with that?? Do we decide to listen to ourselves and believe that we have worth or are we going to listen to the world and believe in negativity....

Cheers,

C

Alone?

2007-07-02T15:17:00.000+02:00

Is being alone cause for loneliness? The feelings we experience or try not too feel regarding loneliness, our being alone in life with no one to share it with, can be daunting. But WHY is what I'm pondering about... I'm single - I don't prefer that way, but i'll rather wait for the right person at the right time, the woman i'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with, share all my dreams, hopes, aspirations, troubles, heart-ache with. I know i'v already met her, the time just isn't quite right yet. I know that it is Gods will for all to be happy and blessed and for me, that is to be in a relationship with is centered round Him, his works and purpose for our life together!!!

So is being alone cause for feeling lonely, I don't think so - but sometimes our feelings are more dominant than our minds. So I truly hope that this "loneliness" will soon come to an end.

Cheers,

C

hellooo

2007-07-02T12:11:00.000+02:00

Hey, welcome to my blog. Hope you'll enjoy some of the ramblings of a "pink/happy" person, feel free to comment, challenge and question what I have to say,

Cheers

C